oh you men.

Pity you men will ever know how delicious the feeling of always having the preference. 

 Oh, you men who do not know how refreshing it is to talk about any subject with her friends.

 Who have no idea how traumatic it can be to break a nail, do not understand, really, how sad it is to wake up with oily hair. 

 You men, so naive, never having to face the indecision in choosing a gloss. Will never be able to entice someone by putting a smirk on your face.

 Men, who believe they are superior, but could never take a few steps in my stiletto heels.

 Men will have a lifetime without knowing how good it is being embraced by a tall brod shouldered warm bodied soul. 

 Men, boys, boys, boys ... never, never understand how important it is to pass pencil in the eye before leaving home, 

 how the sad end of "The Devil Wears Prada" really is, 

 how sexy a smart guy can be.

 how amazing the piano can sound when being played just for you.

 You, the innocent who can not imagine how many things we discovered during our routine conversations in the bathroom, do not know how good it feels to cry with a bowl of icecream in your lap.

 Men can never complain about a cut on her leg made by gillette while showering. 

 You macho men will never get the chance to scream at the sight of a roach in your kitchen, or know what it feels like to be saved from one.

 Never rub a leg in the other, trying to keep a slight sudden surge of excitement, never know how delicious the feeling that forces you to bite your lips when you see the bare chest of brad pitt. 

 boys you'll never know what it feels like when you notice your breast are a little bigger.

 or when your ass is a little tighter.

 oh you men. im so sorry.

well not really.

its complicated

these women, including myself- sitting in circles trying to figure out their men. figure out their lives and where in their medicine regiments they over dose on love.
which time? was i too upset about my work day? did i blow it? did i vent too much? cry too much? care too much?

stop it, just stop it!
why is it that as strong self accomplished women we feel that the men of the 9 million strong city can't handle a women with worth?

so we 'subtitle' our personalities. dial it down. or give it to them in doses.
fuck that

because then what? what happens when he's drugged on your happy face and doesn't know how to react to your sad face? he runs. that's what happens.

so now your sitting at home alone starring at a facebook post that you can't seem to uncode because you drugged the guy to the point that he never got to meet you.

what a waist of time. life. medicine.

my medicine. is myself.
lets get dressed tonight how we like- mismatched colors, hair all a hott mess and eyes dark with fearless lies.

lets be irrational, full of emotions, and ready to jump at a moments notice.
just for tonight, lets be our true selves.

no drugs necessary.

my love note to New York City (circa 2009)

if i could tell you what i was thinking now.
it'd go like this;

im happy
thank you

this world i live in today is amazing, and though the company changes, and people must walk away i am still in love. but heres the problem.

i love someone else, i know it hurts to hear but this is the only way to stay true to whom i am- by staying true to you
i love someone else,

someone who makes me happy when i wake up, and happy to know that im extremely tired at the end of the day.

im so happy to hear the daily buzzle, the snow shuffled, and the sub running by.

my heart stops everytime i've reached a new limit and i cant think of why the HELL im not with you.
so i pray, i pray so hards that i can hold it in, find something new to take up my time, and breathe deep as i watch the days go by.

bc i want you, just you, everything else that might come along with it- is just a bonus, please, just let me be, LET IT BE

my heart,








i miss you,



love
csm*

my mess

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 Monday, April 6, 2009 at 10:22pm | Edit Note | Delete

here's me... a lil bit of it

I try to have the best of both worlds.
I CAN have my cake and eat it too, but i dont really like sweets- so i'll just have a bite. :)

I'm the kind of girl who can take down a man, forgive a man, love a man, break a man, make a man then
Lift him back up again
I'm strong but I can be needy when all I need is to be happy,
and believe it or not- I'll be happy either way- my world, your world, or their world
Usually Humble but greedy when I know what I want

And based on my body language,
You'll know it when you've loved it.

My style is quite selective, only those with big dreams, and stars in their eyes make it into my world.. and those people are great.. but you already knew that-
you're one of them.

though my mind is rather reckless
Well I guess it just suggests
that this is just what happiness is.

this really is what happiness is. believe it.


And if you know me well you don't mind my nerve, cause you could call it all fiction
inside im crying
but you knew that too
cause my body language suggests it

Although I am biased I love everyone's advice
My comebacks are quick and can sometimes hurt

no bad words, no bad tongues, just the kinda truth that hurts
And probably have to do with your insecurities

I have no shame in being crazy, or being the reason you don't want to leave
cause your too happy with me

Depending on how you take these words I'm paraphrasing, and the life you'd like to live, we can end everyday in happily ever after.

its messy, yes it is
but its me
and all i can do is hope they''ll always like it.

It's like taking a guess when the only answer is "Yes"

Through, timeless words and priceless pictures we'll all continue to grow with our roots ever intertwined through the core of the earth
across the coast, under the ocean, and reflecting off the stars.

we might tare our dresses and stain our shirts
But its nice today.
And the wait was so worth it.

constant love

Just a little over two years ago, if you would of used the words "in love" as a definition towards your feelings for me-well- I would of said

"Impossible."

I fought for three years with someone about the meaning of those words.. in love, wow I would have laughed. After three years of blaming those words for my misery, hating those words for their lack of truth and constant disapointment- how could I ever understand them?
It felt like they had lost all meaning, and the thought of trying to utter them aloud- was more a claim to hell then heaven.

If I were to prick my finger right now, would it bleed?
Of course it would, because we as humans are sensitive beings, we lack the hard exterior skelton and thus a sharp object could tare at our outer layer and cause a spillage of cells. The good thing about our exterior is it's ability to heal in time.
And like our skin- our minds no matter how tampered and betrayed by meaning and action, can heal- with time. I might have hated the term in love for quite a while, the words mocked me, mocked my life choices and made my mind cringe in annoyance and anger. The worst being, the words did nothing for my heart.

But like my outer soft layers time -and a stretch of land between myself and angers past- began to heal, and though my heart still has a hard time feeling for the words- my mind has made room for a new definition.

in love;
I'm in love.
I'm in love, I'm in love I'm in LOVE. 
No, really. I am.
I'm in love with the people that surround my life, no matter how far or close. I'm in love with the colors of the spring and the wind between the skyscrapers. I'm in love with the view..
God. I am in love with the view, and no matter how many times I visit it, or how many different ways I can see, I am still in love with the view.
It's like seeing the sunset for the first time, with new eyes, a new heart and a new mind.
It's an involuntary sigh, because- take a deep breath.
It's all mine.

I'm in love with the fact that I found love. I found love! In my heart, in my soul, in my core.
And as this world is my witness, I'll never let it go again.
Never let anyone take this feeling from you- and I promise you, ever now and again someone will. No matter their intention or not, good or bad. People are people and there might come a day you can't find it anymore, and the amount of time it takes you to get it back, no one can replace.

So keep hope, keep strong. Be that overly bright bulb in the room- because there is no need to feel alone, with there is so much to love in this world.

Don't wait for love- go love something on your own.