Hott Child in the City

The iphone has really revolutionized my writing, it's 1am and I can be in a tunnel, write, then copy and paste it to my facebook when I get on the bus. Or I can just rant while I'm in a taxi- either way my raw emotions end up splattered on facebook till the next morning when I contemplate taking it down- or not.
But now, that I have this spot BNBC (bright lights big city) allows me to keep the rants on facebook, and more clearly compose my thoughts the next day- or copy and paste perfect thoughts the next day.

With a perfect 64 degrees out yesterday, I ransacked the back of my closest till I found them, all of them.
My shorts. I pulled and pulled till I could get one on that didn't feel like it would rip off if I happened to want to sit down last night, and then accessorized so perfectly I was scared of getting raped.

My new Calvin Klein black have fabric half shiny heels were the perfect topping to this Miami girls perfect clubbing outfit.
But to my dismay arriving at Opia, I knew things would be tough. Seb and his friends where on the this little terrace about 3 feet deep and 5 feet wide, definitive not a spot to hang out in but more of a open window for fresh air- but they attempted to make it a spot. I was already displaced seeing that another body didn't fit in the little space and no one seemed to want to try. I finally met Ben- the infamous Ben whom used to live with my best friends Jennifer and Nico, where he met his now wife Erica (who was stuck on a plane, but would later join us).

After much pushing, I was able to convince Seb to go to the bar with me once that little terrace spot started to attract smokers- though I am positive that by NEWYORK STATE LAW that spot is not big enough, or far enough away from the dinning experience to be allotted a "smokers spot" which really pisted me off- since my hair now smells of smoke. I even took a picture of the "No Smoking" sign next to the bar where I could still smell the smoke perfectly!
By this time Seb was trying to change the subject to his favorite line- the one thing he always finds a way of asking me when we find ourselves at a bar alone.

So what is it that you want? Are you looking for something casual? Dating? A boyfriend? Tell me about yourself, because I feel I can never figure it out.

 Truth be told- I don't make it easy to "figure out" probably because I don't see what I want.
Then I figured it out;
I want to know I'm important, this isn't High School where your girlfriend means the world to you- but mom says you have to be home by midnight- this is officially my life. And with that in mind- I want to be a major part in someone else's life, like I would like someone special to be major in mine. And though it's easily said and poetically written it's hard to find- which is why looking is such a disaster.
The best approach I have found is enjoy what I have now to its full extent and when it happens- let it happen.
But, and this is a big but, it's not gonna happen with the guy that prefers to always invite his friends out when we go out, or the guy that's never said "hey let's go to dinner-just me and you" or the guy that thinks visiting my place is not an option because leaving the island-is not an option.
I don't know what he'll look like (tall or short) or what he'll sound like (foreign or usa) or even why I'll love him...
But I do know, they'll be dinners, movies, picnics, he'll want to be front row and center when I accomplish my list of place to go and goals to reach. Through colds, and coughs, and trips through Queens all week long. And I'll want to be their for his.

The List

Here are the things that after 6 months of non-stop working, I was not able to find time for;

• broadway play
• coney island (waiting for the fair to open)
• country bar
• the metropolitan museum
• yankees game
• anything in madison square garden
• museum of natural history
• ground zero
• kareoke
• sake bombs

that's it. for now, lets see what I can start checking off.

;)

I might need a camera.

things from my mouth.. with quotes around it.

"we’ll continue to be hopeful in our endevors, risk our hearts to the curiousity that widens our eyes in the darkness and helps us see through the pain. and when the curtain draws near and the answers start to appear we’ll touch lips, and hold our breath.

in the pursuit of our immortal happiness."

why, hello there

Moving to New York City and starting a blog, I wonder how many 24 year old girls have done that? I've always been a writer- even wrote a manuscript, that I put down and forgot to try and get published.
Not to mention after moving to this city the "expert advice" I was giving in my book felt lacking when I couldn't get the job done following my own advice here. It's called " The Target; A guide to the perfect night out", that's what I used to be a pro at- dating.
For two years I really didn't want anything else. Then there was this boy.
Why is it every time I write that sentence down I hear a static in my head. He broke me, it took two years and a move 1045 miles away from all of my family and friends to be able to sit at brunch with my first new girl friend and over french toast and mimosa the denial slipped off the table and I said it.
I'm broken.

Waking up. That was the reason I moved to New York. I woke up in a city I didn't belong to. I knew the streets, the tricks, the treats, the way around a "perfect night" but it always felt like a Holiday- not like a life.

Six months later here I sit in front of this screen ready to tell me story.
My name is Carmen Murphy, my friends back home call me Car, and I sign my name
xoxo csm
CarStar Murphy*

Hey.