Wednesday, June 16, 2010

constant love

Just a little over two years ago, if you would of used the words "in love" as a definition towards your feelings for me-well- I would of said
"Impossible."
I fought for three years with someone about the meaning of those words.. in love, wow I would have laughed. After three years of blaming those words for my misery, hating those words for their lack of truth and constant disapointment- how could I ever understand them?
It felt like they had lost all meaning, and the thought of trying to utter them aloud- was more a claim to hell then heaven.

If I were to prick my finger right now, would it bleed?
Of course it would, because we as humans are sensitive beings, we lack the hard exterior skelton and thus a sharp object could tare at our outer layer and cause a spillage of cells. The good thing about our exterior is it's ability to heal in time.
And like our skin- our minds no matter how tampered and betrayed by meaning and action, can heal- with time. I might have hated the term in love for quite a while, the words mocked me, mocked my life choices and made my mind cringe in annoyance and anger. The worst being, the words did nothing for my heart.

But like my outer soft layers time -and a stretch of land between myself and angers past- began to heal, and though my heart still has a hard time feeling for the words- my mind has made room for a new definition.

in love;
I'm in love.
I'm in love, I'm in love I'm in LOVE. 
No, really. I am.
I'm in love with the people that surround my life, no matter how far or close. I'm in love with the colors of the spring and the wind between the skyscrapers. I'm in love with the view..
God. I am in love with the view, and no matter how many times I visit it, or how many different ways I can see, I am still in love with the view.
It's like seeing the sunset for the first time, with new eyes, a new heart and a new mind.
It's an involuntary sigh, because- take a deep breath.
It's all mine.

I'm in love with the fact that I found love. I found love! In my heart, in my soul, in my core.
And as this world is my witness, I'll never let it go again.
Never let anyone take this feeling from you- and I promise you, ever now and again someone will. No matter their intention or not, good or bad. People are people and there might come a day you can't find it anymore, and the amount of time it takes you to get it back, no one can replace.

So keep hope, keep strong. Be that overly bright bulb in the room- because there is no need to feel alone, with there is so much to love in this world.

Don't wait for love- go love something on your own.

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